Tuesday, November 29, 2011

40 Days of 40K Haiku

Let's get this shit over with.

At the risk of turning this into an all-Warhammer 40K, all-the-time blog, I'm going against my better judgment and posting the collection of 40K-themed haiku I tweeted over the course of, well, 40 days. I'll do everyone a favor and hide it behind a break.

For those who haven't been following this nonsense, the idea was a lark inspired by having to come up with a bio for the latest issue of Kill Screen (out now!). "Let's say I tweet Warhammer 40K haiku," I wrote to my editor, when he asked for a few lines and my Twitter handle. I immediately logged on and threw together a few lines with the hashtag #40daysof40Khaiku. And only after I'd committed, as always happens with my projects, did I realize what I'd gotten myself into. To my great surprise and delight, along with a hint of self-loathing, people seemed to enjoy the result. They even asked me to collect the results and publish them.


So, by popular demand, Space Marine Teddy Roosevelt presents: 40 Days of 40K Haiku.


10/11 - Day 1
Drop pods streak through the
blackened sky. Underfoot, the
crunch of Eldar skulls.

10/12 - Day 2
Slay the foul xenos,
the heretic, the mutant:
purge them in His name.

10/13 - Day 3
Dawn on the Forge World.
This increased production will
please the Machine God.

10/14 - Day 4
From the depths of the
Eye of Terror, maddening
whispers of Chaos.

10/15 - Day 5
Colonel-Commissar
Gaunt surveys the wastes ahead.
A long march awaits.

10/16 - Day 6
The foolish man puts
his trust in luck; the wise man,
in the Emperor.

10/17 - Day 7
Astartes muster
at the Cadian Gate; pray
for their safe return.

10/18 - Day 8
She opes her mailed fist:
an Inquisition rosette!
Beware, heretic.

10/19 - Day 9
Emperor shield us
from the horrors of the Warp—
nightmares given flesh.

10/20 - Day 10
Eldritch warriors
emerging from the Webway:
dreaded Dark Eldar.

10/21 - Day 11
Orbiting a world
plagued by Chaos, we debate
Exterminatus.

10/22 - Day 12
The sole reward
for treachery and heresy
is retribution.

10/23 - Day 13
In void-swimming shoals
the Tyranid threat descends
upon our doomed world.

10/24 - Day 14
Oi, look, more ‘umies!
Come on, boyz, let’s join the Waaagh!
SPICE MARINES TO KILL!

10/25 - Day 15
Blood Angels, Dark Sons,
Imperial Fists—Brothers!
Prepare to deploy.

10/26 - Day 16
Return to your work!
Idleness breeds heresy.
That way lies ruin.

10/27 - Day 17
Servitor! Bring me
more amasec. — Another
lho-stick, my darling?

10/28 - Day 18
“Blood for the Blood God!”
they shout. “Skulls for the Skull Throne!”
These traitors must die.

10/29 - Day 19
In ancient tomb vaults
the Necrons sleep, awaiting
fools who would wake them.

10/30 - Day 20
Roboute Guilliman,
Ultramarine Primarch: we
bless thy holy name.

10/31 - Day 21
Execute cowards,
discipline fools, root out spies:
the Commissar’s charge.

11/1 - Day 22
I felt the Ork’s neck
snap beneath my Power Fist
and relished its fear.

11/2 - Day 23
The hydra emblem
of the Alpha Legion! Kill
these traitors, brothers.

11/3 - Day 24
Look to your Ciphers,
Prefectus. Your messengers
are not who they seem.

11/4 - Day 25
Defend the Craftworld!
The mon-keighs must not despoil
our sacred domain.

11/5 - Day 26
So you want to be
a Rogue Trader? Fine. Good luck
with that Warrant, ass.

11/6 - Day 27
Hail Lord Calgar, he
who took back the star fort from
M’Kar the Reborn.

11/7 - Day 28
Auspex shows nothing,
major. — Keep scanning, Sergeant.
The Tau are out there.

11/8 - Day 29
We curse the name of
Abaddon the Despoiler,
vilest of traitors.

11/9 - Day 30
After the Third War
for Armageddon, you’d think
we were done. But no.

11/10 - Day 31
The Hellstorm Cannon
of the Aquila Ignis
resides on Kronus.

11/11 - Day 32
A fate much worse than
death awaits those who betray
the Emperor’s trust.

11/12 - Day 33
The plasma pistol,
the heavy bolter: blessed
are the tools of death.

11/13 - Day 34
The snarling Ork horde
pouring through the blasted gate
will meet my chainsowrd.

11/14 - Day 35
Hear the Deathwatch cry,
“Suffer not the alien
to live!” — and fear them.

11/15 - Day 36
With thunder hammer
and jump pack, the Captain rains
death upon our foe.

11/16 - Day 37
See the tanks go by?
A Leman Russ column, I
think. Cheer them on, son!

11/17 - Day 38
Be cautious, brothers.
This Space Hulk is infested
with foul Genestealers.

11/18 - Day 39
Heroic Tanith
troopers, the First-and-Only,
saved us from Chaos.

11/19 - Day 40
Praise the Emperor.
The sign of the aquila
is your guide and shield.

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